Level 3 Day 7: Emptying and Filling

It’s been a couple of days since my last blog -I figure there was the worship service on Sunday and then Monday I try to have a day off. The day off wasn’t possible yesterday though as I was doing a KCML Bubble Lecture last night so needed to spend some time preparing for that -as well as that COVID19 parenting/work juggle with time helping with Reuben’s island on the deck (which is continuing… watch this space), some time helping explore ANZAC soldiers, and of course the ongoing transition of space to dance studio, study space, zoom venue and a place to rest and connect. Today we said goodbye to our foster puppy who we had with us for longer than the average SPCA foster, so she managed to wiggle her way further into our hearts. Perhaps in this time of lockdown, emotions are heightened too, so the goodbye was more emptying. The process of emptying and filling seems to be more obvious these days. Perhaps it is useful to recognise the things that empty us and the things that fill us, so we can find ourselves in a space where we are not trying to operate out of emptiness.

I am filled by spending time with those I love –their cuddles, their affirmation, their wanting to be in my presence. I am filled by zoom calls with friends and emails and texts that show care. I am filled by my time spent especially with God. I am filled by my work and the amazing colleagues I get to work with. I am filled when I share a screen with a bunch of children eager to share in Guiding. I am filled when I walk by the beach. I am filled when I hear there are no new COVID19 cases in our land. But I am emptied too... by the pain I hear around me in our nation and in our world; by the hurt in my children, by the anxiety that is creeping into our lives, by the dumb things I say sometimes.

What about you? What empties you and what fills you? I don’t think we should expect to be always overflowing in this time –but we need to be more full than empty in general, in order to move into tomorrow. How is your cup?

Level 3 Day 4: Bloopers

Today was filming day at the manse -it involves everyone so it is an extreme logistics event. Amidst people collecting worship kits to deliver from them manse, the phone going and time constraints of dance classes to be taught; add to that my forgetting to prepare my “wall” so madly cutting the appropriate sized pieces of cardboard for the children’s talk, a boom that decided not to connect and speakers that failed, it was a stressful start.

And so we began to film… to discover some sacred space in the midst of crazy. To reach out from our bubble across a technological medium, to many other bubbles, in order to worship together. And I suspect that what we offer does not reach you in some perfectly held sacred space either. At church we may be able to remove ourselves from the stresses of home, but church @ your place means we have to face the reality of the sacred entering our most human spaces. And so perhaps the reality is we film from our crazy to your crazy. Each of us struggling at times to discover the sacred in our very human bubbles. But the wonder of it all for me was that in our communion, in that simple act of breaking the bread and holding the cup, I was in a sacred space. Even in the incompleteness of communion in isolation, I found the sacred was there all along -and I hope you will too.

Just to show how crazy it gets sometimes, below is not a photo today, but rather a blooper from our recording. Alma our foster puppy began to cry in her crate while I prayed, and eventually it got too much… I hope it makes you smile in your sometimes crazy bubble.

Level 3 Day 4: Islands

This afternoon I was helping Reuben start to build a 3D island -he is studying what Hawaiki might be like -so think Moana… As we formed the chicken wire (available now we are in level 3) and then began the papier mache, I was thinking about how beautiful islands are. How beautiful our island is. I can walk to the coastline and look out to sea and it is beautiful. Living on an island with a large moat has its advantages in times like these. In this time of lockdown, we have watched the beauty grow -more dolphins in the bay and today a kereru as well as tui and piwakawaka in the garden. On the world stage we have seen amazing images of an environment that is finding a new and more beautiful normal. It is as if with the huge costs of COVID 19, in lives, in businesses, in economies, there is an underside of beauty. And it is a beauty I am struggling to let go of. I realise I am one of the lucky ones, I still have a job, I can support those in my whanau who have lost work, and I am not sick. So lockdown has offered an increase of connection within my bubble -more meals around the table, more walks, more cuddles. Yes, there has been some crazy juggling of roles, this weird tension and an ongoing weariness that takes its toll, and of course I want our nation and our world to be able to move through this terrible pandemic. But there remains a part of me that is not ready to let go of the beauty that I have found on the underside. I wonder how I might retain at least a portion of it. Seeing the beauty is a good start. Being thankful might be the next step to encourage myself to make some other choices, in order for there to be more beauty in my life. Isaiah 42: 10 says Sing to the Lord a new song, Sing His praise from the end of the earth! You who go down to the sea, and all that is in it. You islands, and those who dwell on them.

In our gratitude for this beauty, may we find fresh ways as we move into the future to make space for beauty. The picture shows a very early stage one of the island… perhaps there will be a later stage photo in the days ahead.

Level 3 Day 3 Gates

The manse gate and front fence was put up before we arrived in Auckland toward the end of 1999. We asked for it to be built as we were concerned about the safety of our three young girls playing near the road. Since then it has been open and closed thousands of time, for many different reasons. Keeping children and pets in safety. Opening in welcome as children wrote and drew their welcome in chalk on the driveway. Driving in and out on all those typical family tasks that occur.                   The gate reminds me of the balance between safety and rest and welcome and feeding. We go out to be sustained and nourished in so many ways. We stay in to find rest and recreation. Relationship is found differently in the going out and coming in. This balance has been changed dramatically over the past month. But over time, the scales will begin to balance again. And perhaps we will discover a new way of going in and out –a changed focus on what is important as we come and go. This Sunday I am preaching on John 10 that describes Jesus as the gate, and I ponder how Jesus enables our going out in order to be nourished, our welcoming in and our need to withdraw into safe places. How in these days, might we still be called to move out to seek nourishment, how we might offer a different form of welcome, and how we might retreat into our safe places without any sense of guilt. The juggle of life may be overwhelming, or the tedium may be unravelling –but however we experience lockdown, I suspect we need to retain movement out and in.   

Level 3 Day 2 - Work for the people

Today I have been doing some writing while outside under the big oak tree. Our foster puppy has been delighting in the pile of leaves -jumping in and burrowing through. It intrigues me how these leaves year after year have brought such joy -to our pets, to our children -and even to the children at mainly music when we have transported bags and bags of these leaves to the church hall for them to play in. When the children were little we used leaves to make painted leaf prints and sprinkled them with glitter. Reuben still loves to leap from the rope swing above, into the big pile of leaves. But sometimes all I see is the work involved -this constant effort required to rake them up -so many thousands that just keep on falling, day after day. I can stand outside and literally watch them fall. The reality of life, it seems, often holds delight and work together.

Which got me thinking about liturgy –a strange leap, you may say, but perhaps not. You see, the term "liturgy" literally in Greek means "work for the people". And perhaps a better translation is "public service" or "public work" originating in the role of wealthy Greeks of ancient times, through the leitourgia, making their expensive offerings in service to the people, and thus to the state. Liturgy is the costly work of giving. Liturgy -our worship -is literally, work for the people -delight and work entwined together.  We often refer to a service of worship –again entwining the work of service with the delight of praise and worship. Perhaps whatever we turn our hand to –in worship or in a pile of leaves –delight has its own work.

A new beginning: Level 3 Day 1: Nurturing the new

So today we start this new level of living… not very different for me, as I continue to work from home and Reuben to do schooling from home, although on Friday we plan to have fish and chips from our favourite Melanesia Rd shop. If anything, expectations rise a little, as we can now deliver worship kits for people in the parish. I think weariness is beginning to show, as I enter a new week and I relfect on the tiring nature of change.

Yesterday I spent some time in our glass house -one of my favourite places, where I can nurture growth and see it actually happening before my eyes. But in this space I also see the challenges to growth. When too many seeds are sown (a common failing of mine), and then left in a small pot, the need for pricking out becomes urgent -and tedious. Each precious seedling needs to be taken from its crammed position, and moved to a place where there is room to grow. A place they no longer have to fight others and distort themselves to reach the sun. They need time now to get used to this new place, they need to be nurtured even more so they can grow in this new place. Change is part of growth for these seedlings, but they need some help.

What help do you need in order to grow in this new space we find ourselves in? I realise my need for conversation which usually just happened in the old world now needs to be consciously nurtured. It is important in this phase to take stock and see what we need in order to grow healthily in times of such enourmous change.

Lockdown Day 31: Remembering Peace

Standing at dawn was a special moment this morning -together in our apartness, seeing the lights of others gathered at their gateways too. Our homemade ANZAC lanterns lit the darkness before the sun began to rise. We stood at a place so familiar. A gateway is a special place -it is where we welcome guests and we say farewell. It is where we discover mail or continue to hope for another day.

We have gateways in all sorts of contexts, some incredible ornate, others more simple. A gateway special to many New Zealanders is the gateway to Parihaka Marae -a driveway where children skipped out to welcome the troops coming to arrest and destroy. Now there is a memorial to remind us of those days. They are part of the stories I remember at ANZAC -our stories of fighting and stories of peace -from the small stories to the large ones, each with their ownc significance.

A quote from Mother Teresa, says “If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other." Surely in these days, and today on ANZAC Day in lockdown, we remember that we belong to each other.

Lockdown Day 30: Poppy making

Tomorrow is ANZAC Day and instead of services, we are invited to Stand at Dawn… to be at our gates for 2 minutes silence at 6am and then listen to the service broadcast on RNZ. With Pippins and Brownies I have made lanterns out of milk bottles with poppies drawn on the side. Reuben’s schoolwork has involved creating poppies and Facebook has many ideas for poppies to go with our bears in windows and on our fences.

The red or Flanders poppy has been linked with battlefield deaths since the Great War (1914–18). The plant was one of the first to grow and bloom on battlefields in the Belgian region of Flanders. The connection was made, most famously, by Lieutenant-Colonel John McCrae, a Canadian medical officer in his poem, 'In Flanders fields', written after conducting a funeral of a friend who died in battle.

The poppy became a symbol of keeping the faith –to not forget what these people died for. They quickly became the chosen symbol of remembrance and then the method of fundraising for RSAs around the world.  Although poppies are not for sale this year due to COVID19, the poppy will still be seen in our communities.

So as we make our poppies in the manse, we will remember them. But we will also recognise that the poppy is not only the symbol of mass suffering and sacrifice, it is also the symbol of hope –that life comes from those places of suffering. The poppy seeds in the glasshouse will grow, because out of death, comes life.

Lockdown Day 29: Autumn Pools

Back on Lockdown Day 1 in my first blog for these strange days, I moved from the owls we had drawn in our bubble to my favourite psalm –psalm 84. And today, all these days on, I am returning to this psalm, but this time in a different way. Prior to the bit about the sparrow finding her home at God’s altar, are these words –

How lovely is your dwelling place, Lord Almighty!
2 My soul yearns, even faints, for the courts of the Lord;
my heart and my flesh cry out for the living God.

The psalmist is writing about his yearning to be in the Temple in Jerusalem... how blessed to be able to gather together there. He writes about all those who have set their hearts on pilgrimage, in order that they might one day gather together.

In this psalm, I am reminded that we do not do this church online thing as an end in itself, but rather as part of our pilgrimage back together.

The pilgrimage is a long one for the psalmist –taking him through the Valley of the Baka –baka being a particular tree, but the meaning of the valley’s name being a place of weeping or mourning. As they pass through this dry, arid place where the only water is tears, it becomes a place of springs –the psalmist refers to the autumn pools. And so as I look at the increasing signs of autumn out my window, I pray that those autumn pools will seep into any arid ground of our beings.

For us, like the psalmist, it is also a long pilgrimage, before we can gather together. It is a journey which takes us through those arid places, where the only water is our tears. And yet, in this pilgrimage, the psalmist writes of moving from strength to strength as they draw nearer to the Temple.

Back in Day 1, I wrote of the interconnectedness between home and church. Between the place we make our nest and the place we find God’s altar. I suggested the altar is closer to home than we realise. That within our bubbles we might discover afresh that it could be a place of worship; and a dwelling place of God.  

My hope is that in these days you have found strength for your journey; that you have felt the autumn rains reach the dry ground in your deepest self. That your own tables have been places where God is present, and that that will continue in the days ahead, for there is still further to travel apart before we gather once more as a worshipping community.

May you have strength for your journey.

Lockdown Day 28: Numbers and Counting

Each day at 1pm, I listen to our nation’s leaders reporting on the reality of COVID19 here in Aotearoa New Zealand. I listen firstly to a series of numbers –the number of new cases –including ways transmitted; the current number of those with the virus; the number of deaths; and the number of those who are now well again. We hear numbers of tests done and we are now also getting the numbers of rule breaches under lockdown. We are becoming used to this list of numbers and we know the numbers we are hoping for. In a world where these numbers are horrifying, I feel very fortunate I am living in this country where each COVID19 death is able to be individually acknowledged by our PM.

As I reflect on all these numbers, that at times feel overwhelming, I am reassured by Jesus’ words in the Gospel of Matthew (10: 29-31), when he says  Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered.  So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. 

So many numbers, but the reality is that underlying all these numbers, each one counts. God counts each one. God cares for each individual -each one is important. So amidst these numbers, may we remember that underneath all the counting, are individuals –you and me –your neighbour and my neighbour - those we can reach out to and ensure they know they matter -they count.

Lockdown Day 27: Rainbows and Korus

Before lockdown Level 4 we at KPC had a service of worship in which our 70+ers were asked not to attend… it was a difficult space and the children made rainbows for folk to take home and hang in their windows… a sign of hope for those walking past. At that stage, I don’t think any of us really grasped how significant windows would become in our lives -as we would walk each day around our own local communities. We bought a large wooden rainbow which I used in that last children’s talk just before lockdown, and we then put it in our living room as our own personal reminder of hope.

Early on in lockdown, Reuben was playing with the rainbow and formed a colourful koru design with it. I took a photo of it and it seems timely now to go back to that image and reflect on it. In this redesign of the rainbow, hope becomes a journey of growth. It is an image that also reminds me of the labyrinth -another image of journeying, inward and outward.

Isaiah 40: 31 tells us that those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. I had not really grasped how much movement there is in this image until now. Soaring, running, walking... Hope brings movement. It is the loss of hope that so often brings stagnation and paralysis. Perhaps hope is the best remedy for our fears, enabling us to move forward, however tentatively.

Lockdown Day 26: Responsibility and Trust

So, we now have an idea of what our next few weeks will look like -another week of level 4, then into level 3 for a fortnight. And it seems to me the key requirement being asked of us is around responsibility. I don’t think I have ever before consciously looked at the link between responsibility and trust, but it has always been an expectation of God’s people. Back in the rules given to the people of Israel, found in Deuteronomy 2, it is clear -Do not have two differing weights in your bag—one heavy, one light. Do not have two differing measures in your house—one large, one small. You must have accurate and honest weights and measures, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you. 

It is clear -whether at home in your bubble or heading out, we are to be trustworthy in our responsibility. Our country needs us to behave with responsibility and we are being trusted to do so. It is a mature way of behaving. It reminds me of parenting -as children grow and they start to make decisions for themselves, you have this basis of morality that you have taught and you then have to trust that as you let go the proverbial apron strings, they will behave accordingly. In our COVID 19 reality, we have been taught, over and over, to be kind, and we have been taught what that kindness will look like. Now as the freedom is increased, it is up to us to show that we have learned kindness and can be trusted to behave responsibly. We must not go thinking we can have two different ways to measure -one for me and one for others. It is that simple -and yet that difficult. I suspect the difficulty is in our ego -that we somehow think we should be the exception. Perhaps then building on from patience in this lockdown experience, is humility. Seeing the other as just as important as self. Time will tell what we have learnt.

The picture below is part of a major creative effort of Reuben this weekend -building the Beehive out of lego -this floor depicting what has become a familiar and reassuring event in our lives in lockdown.

Lockdown Day 24: Patience

Yesterday we managed to film the service for tomorrow. It felt so good geting it filmed two whole days ahead of time… all done late Friday afternoon. In days pre lockdown I would be super impressed with myself. But we are not in those days. And it isn’t all done. You see, the joys of technology means there is a whole lot more that actually needs to be done. The “I want it now” in me that surfaces is struggling to be suppresed as we keep learning what this new process involves. For those of you who know Willy Wonker and the chocolate factory, will remember Veruca Salt, when she turns to her Daddy and says “I don’t care how, I want it now!” That is what I find myself thinking when it comes to uploading services! Not very helpful though. I’ve always known that patience is not my good suit when it comes to fruits of the Spirit, but this is a blunt reminder. It is times like these when we discover again our own flaws. Galatians 5: 22-23 list the fruits of the Spirit as love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. We are constantly being reminded to choose kindness, but maybe we also need to reach into the other fruits in the bowl. For today, I will work on patience… whilst being very thankful that Amelia has more patience than I.

Lockdown Day 23: Disruption

There is an old word that is getting a new lease on life in these times -the word is Disruption. The Bangkok Post business headline recently was Disruption is the new normal. Our world is changing at an accelerating pace. And we as individuals are also experiencing huge disruption -the changes that are happening within our loss of freedom and the need to see others as a key reason for our own behaviour. This new way of living with need rather than want. This new realisation of what we had as community.

This moment of disruption is a time in which we will be changed. Psalm 18 talks of the psalmist crying out to the Lord in distress, and there is this image of God responding by entering the dark clouds. We are surely in a time of dark clouds, and we have a precedent of God entering the darkness. Over and over again through history, God enters the darkness, in order to transform it.

As a leader I want to see, when we finally get to that new dawn of a new normal, that we have drawn closer to God in the dark times. That we have got stronger as we lived through hard times of juggling work and childcare; of seeing our work diminishing before us, of losing the community we have previously taken for granted. So in these strange times, I challenge you to take time to look for God in the dark cloud of disruption.

Lockdown Day 22: Looking ahead with new eyes

Tonight we have been in lockdown for three weeks. It is hard to comprehend those pre lockdown days –days when we had no comprehension of what this life would look like. It is as if we have all been given a new way of seeing the world. In fighting loss of life and loss of livelihood, our world has dramatically changed right through from the personal level to the international. Now we are beginning to comprehend another way of living –the waiting room stage as we wait to see if what has been done has worked. Waiting to see if we then move back to level 4 or on to level 2. We remain in our bubble although it can be extended in a small way. We move from essential operations only to safe operations only. That means for us at KPC, we are looking to continue in our current method.  At level 3, we will continue to not have gathered services of worship or other gatherings such as mainly music. We now know we will be able to lead funeral services at level 3, but only with up to ten people present.

Getting used to this new way of seeing our world takes time. But as I reflect on this, I see a similarity with the process after making a decision to follow Jesus. We are given this new way to see our own personal lives –the way we live our day to day life, and the way we see the world –created and loved by God, and needing our love too. And just as we see a range of responses in our community to level 4 lockdown, new Christians also respond in different ways to this new way of being. Some aspects of this new way of living are easier than others, depending on personality and living environment. There is always a choice not to see the world in this new way, but as we live in this new way for a longer time, it becomes more difficult to ignore. Having walked this way of following Jesus for so many decades, this vision has become my dominant way of being, my more “natural” reaction, just as we now “naturally” ensure a 2m distance from those outside our bubble. We learn what then becomes normal. My prayer is that we continue to learn what following Jesus means, so our “normal” will most often be the way of love.  

Lockdown Day 21: New Beginnings

Today is the first day of Term 2 so we began the whole home schooling thing online. We dealt with frustrations of an overloaded system, delight in seeing familiar faces and some sense of a routine beginning and school work accomplished. I also recieved a timely email from my sister Debbie with a series of permission slips for parents -instead of focussing on the ways we mess up, we give ourselves permission to be human… permission to be imperfect, to feel feelings, to be a work in progress, not to solve problems, to have boundaries, to parent differently, to be silly, to have a bad day, to have limits to what you can do, to take time by yourself, to not know everything, and to seek help. Important to remember in these days, whether we are parenting children or not.

To add to our new beginnings today, and more exciting than school starting back was the arrival of the SPCA van this morning delivering a puppy needing a home during lockdown. Her name is Alma and amidst all the change she is experiencing, she is already thriving on cuddles -of which there are plenty here.

This morning’s psalm was Psalm 36: 5-9  Your steadfast love, O Lord, extends to the heavens, your faithfulness to the clouds. Your righteousness is like the mighty mountains, your judgements are like the great deep; you save humans and animals alike, O Lord. How precious is your steadfast love, O God! All people may take refuge in the shadow of your wings. They feast on the abundance of your house, and you give them drink from the river of your delights. For with you is the fountain of life; in your light we see light.

A puppy is a precious reminder of our need to snuggle into a safe place when things are changing all around us. We too can take refuge -snuggle in- in the shadow of the wings of our God of steadfast love.·

Lockdown Day 20: Leading Change

Easter Monday was finally a day off for me, and one in which our whole family sorted Reuben’s lego…. ice cream containers from the garage that had been heading to the SPCA were repurposed and bins of mixed up pieces were one by one taken apart and placed acording to size and shape. It was a big job but incredibly satisfying to place the icecream containers on the shelf.

Today, Tuesday is the last day of the school holidays for Reuben, so another kind of organisation is needed. He needs to work out how to access more than School talk and DIsney plus on his chromebook…. now words like Google Hangout and Google Meet have become normal parts of conversation and required for learning. Tomorrow morning he will sign in for a new term online and school hours diminish to 9-noon. Afternoons are now for parents to help their children with arts, crafts, physical exercise and scientific exploration. More organisation required when parents learn to juggle this with their own work.

And so we head into a new rhythm… more change and more adaptation and flexibility needed. As a church leader I have been managing change for the last month, and it has taken significant energy. But as I reflect, I realise I am also a change manager at home, with all the same skills utilised. We have some amazing role models in change management as a country and we can learn much from them. Communication, calm presence, honesty, warmth, empathy and a good plan become vital ingredients. We need all that at a national level, and we need it at a personal level. Leading Change is the subject I teach at KCML so I am particularly aware at this time of the valuable resource we are witnessing. However many are in our bubble, we can help ourselves and others, if we take some time to think sbout how we are managing all the changes we are currently experiencing. On Easter Sunday, I used a lovely image that was shared on Facebook saying a lot can happen in a week. A reminder that Jesus too experience huge changes in a short space of time. Peoples’ attitudes to him changed -both officials and friends. His life experience changed. And Jesus managed to journey through those changes, knowing his ultimate plan, with a calm presence, honesty, warmth and empathy.

Lockdown Day 18: Easter Sunday

Easter Sunday is the day when we rediscover our Alleluias. Alleluias experienced this year in bubbles; in teddy bears with bunny ears and coloured eggs, and in walks that see afresh the beauty in our local community.

As Mary wept at the tomb, Jesus spoke her name and she recognised him. It was an alleluia moment. Not fully understood, but what alleluias are? Even when we don’t fully comprehend the way God is meeting us in our pain, we still are empowered to find a deeply held alleluia. What we see makes no sense, but that is where Jesus calls our name. We have a choice to find something we can be thankful for, even in our anxiety and confusion. Today, on Easter Sunday, more than ever.

In the Easter story we see the different characters respons to their pain in different ways, just as we each respond differently in these days. But we see Jesus meets each one in the place they are, just as Jesus will meet us. Like Mary, we may be blinded by our tears for a time. Like John, we might need to make space to think things through in quite a cerebral way. Like Peter, we may find ourselves impulsively able to believe. But somehow all three make this journey with Jesus, from death to life.

In this time when our world is facing the reality of death, we are being called to live as resurrection. To let Allelulias still take their place in our very being. Because Jesus’ resurrection is for this very time and space. It is to the shadows and death that Jesus speaks most powerfully, and within those shadows we are empowered to respond with Alleluias.

The power of the resurrection is that its power remains amidst the pain of our shared humanity.

Easter is a big shout of protest to all that is death.

Easter is a defiant act against all that suppresses life.

Easter is choosing to stay home whilst reaching out as a welcoming people.

Easter is courageously going out to work in the essential services.

Easter persists in loving triumph, through hundreds of small things each day as we choose to live our alleluias.

At the manse, today we found the Alleluia banner made in the early days of lockdown, and we have hung it in our home.

And so as we reach the culmination of our Holy Week Journey which actually is the beginning of our Easter Journey, I light a candle beside my final square –the white one that is spacious and open and welcoming. Here today, celebrating the resurrection of Jesus, we choose to hold Alleluias in our hearts.

Lockdown Day 17: Easter Saturday

After the busyness of Good Friday filled with walks, baking hot cross buns, making Easter gardens and retelling the familiar stories, we then come to today. A day of nothing. A day of waiting. A day of holding space. Too late to say anything we might have wanted to say. Too soon to do something that might help us grieve. And the day can feel like forever.

Easter Saturday epitomises the many times in our lives we have to wait –and these times of lockdown are yet another one of these times –if extraordinary of its kind. We may fill the waiting time with tasks that must be done, or with things we would otherwise not choose... but amidst the time –whether full or not, we wait. We wait for more than life to resume as it once was... we wait for new life, when we have a chance to live differently.

A poem:

How long can Easter Saturday last? Waiting for the rock to be moved for life and love to be fully entered What angel will move the rock So I in tears might see what is before me

And so as we journey, drawing so close to the beginning, .I light a candle beside my seventh square –the one that is completely dark… the place I must remain for a time.

Lockdown Day 16: Good Friday

Today is Good Friday. The ground is shaky and the shadows are growing, even to the point of ultimate darkness. Jesus’ death is this act of complete isolation, amidst betrayal, denial and forsakenness. Our creeds speak of Jesus descending into hell –the ultimate place of separation from the community we were created for. Utter isolation.

As I walked this morning with those in my isolated bubble, using the KPC reflective walk I became aware again of the pain in our shared humanity. Amidst the beauty of sunshine, beach and bush, found in my local community, there is also the shadow of death. Today the second death from Covid 19 was recorded in Aotearoa, and I am reminded of the shadow we live under. As we walked we wore the crosses we had created with care and delight, but they too are this mix of beauty and pain. They speak of our humanity –a mix of beauty and pain. Even within my own small bubble, there are shadows. Shadows I have a choice to lessen by drawing closer to the source of Light and choosing that way of costly love.

And so as we journey our way through another day of Holy Week, I light a candle beside my sixth square –the red one that reminds me of the blood of Jesus –bled out of costly love for a world in pain.